It's not you, it's me.

I couldn't believe I'd actually uttered those awful, cliched words. I meant them, though. It was me who'd had enough. I was the one who wasn't prepared to try any more, the one who wanted out.



It had been coming for a long time, I'm sure, but it wasn't until I got some distance, literally putting the miles between us when I headed back to the UK for Christmas, that I realised the truth. It was over. It couldn't go on any more. I just had to say something.



I've never been very good at ending relationships. Somehow I always seem to take the cowardly way out, waiting until the next person's firmly in my sights, or just absenting myself until the other party has no choice but to end it for me. At least this time I was pretty honourable. Direct and honourable, with nobody else lined up and waiting in the wings.



Well, hardly, anyway. And I honestly did not go to the UK intending to ... well, look for someone new. God knows, if I'm bad at ending relationships, I'm even worse at starting them, becoming either tongue-tied and teenage or a blathering fool whenever I have a spark of interest in someone. This time, though, I handled it as well as I know how. Just an email. A simple, 'Hi, I think we should meet. How about a coffee?'



It really was just a coffee. Okay, there may have been scones involved, but beyond that, nothing actually happened. It was a great meeting though, and I really hoped it would lead to more.



So I came home and ended something that was probably crawling to a natural death anyway. Ended it without knowing where I would go next. Without being certain that there would be someone new. Without rancour and bitterness and accusations too. 'We've just grown apart. It's time to go our separate ways.' If only I'd known how to say that on a few previous occasions, I could have saved several people a chasm of heartache - myself included.



It was a good couple of weeks before I heard from Coffee and Scones. I really didn't know what to expect, but the outcome was good. Great, in fact ...



So now it's official: I have a new agent. I sense exciting times ahead, and I can't wait to see where this new relationship leads. Oh, I know right now it's new and mysterious and thrilling, but I also feel that it's really workable. Mutually beneficial. The Author and the Agent - a winning combination. Long may it continue.